When I don’t live up to those expectations, I feel a twinge of guilt and I resolve to do better. Then I’m thankful to have someone who is paying attention.

In my experience in Evangelical churches, people seem a little fuzzy on where other people’s boundaries are. Even as first-time visitors, Sarah and I are nearly always treated to this wonderful gem after shaking hands and exchanging names:

Congregant: So, do you guys have any kids yet?
One of us: Nope, we have a dog and a cat.
Congregant: Oh, well hopefully soon!

Another variation involves asking when we plan on having kids, and asserting that God will change our minds.

If we attend for any period of time, eventually someone discovers that I play guitar.

Person: You play guitar? Awesome! We’ll have to get you on the worship team sometime!

Note the phrasing: “yet” indicates an expectation that we will have kids; invoking God makes it a moral mandate. “We’ll have to get you…” assumes that possessing a skill means I want to lend it to them and destroys any concept of self-determination I may have.

And it continues. What night is good for you to join a small group? What are you bringing for the potluck? When are you taking a turn in the nursery (this one typically only applies to Sarah)?

It applies at every stage of life. I remember adults constantly asking other people’s kids about their romantic lives, usually to express their distaste for teenage dating… and then, the minute these kids graduated from high school, asking when they were going to meet someone of the opposite gender and embark on a heterosexual marriage.

They’d ask what college we wanted to go to, just make sure we were planning on a Christian college. Bonus points if it was Bible college.

They’d ask what music we were listening to and whether it was “Christian”.

They’d ask why we would possibly want to watch R-rated movies.

They’d ask anything, and they would do it in such a way that it expressed their opinion of what we should be doing.

Eventually, they’d drop the pretense and start prescribing. And then one morning you wake up and you realize one of two things:
1) The life you lead has been tailored to the preferences of a bunch of people you barely know.
2) You have been lying about who you are to an awful lot of people.

Either way, the only thing that eases the tension is to cut and run.

So, the plan is to spend a few posts reflecting on the language I’ve encountered at the churches I’ve attended and see where the hostility originates and whether it’s real or all in my head. Some things I’d like to cover include:

Expectations – Statements and questions that reflect an expected way of doing things, the most common of which is the “When are you getting married/having kids?” series.

Divisive language – Situations in which an “Us vs Them” mentality is expressed/encouraged. Pretty much any time politics are mentioned.

Falsehoods and damn lies – I once listened to a dude go on a 30 minute tirade against gay people using all of these made up sounding statistics about their sexual proclivities. He did not cite a source. This may be bundled with divisive language.

Control – I may need to save this for last because it can be a part of anything people say. The sad fact is that some people just want to control what other people think.

These and pretty much anything else I can think of, or anything that may come up in the comments.

1. Spitz – Indigo Chiheisen — Back in the glory days of filesharing, my friend Don discovered a Japanese pop singer named Ayumi Hamasaki. Check her out, she’s amazing. Anyway, I started going nuts looking for other good music from Japan, and wound up with a song by Spitz called “Yume Oi Mushi”, which is still one of my favorite songs.

2. Spitz – Nana eno Kimochi — Seriously, same band twice in a row? Gonna complain about the randomizer if there is a third…

3. Anberlin – A Heavy Hearted Work of Staggering Genius — This is a short instrumental interlude before the last song on their second album, i.e. not the sort of thing I would seek out. Shuffle is fun!

4. Daft Punk – Flynn Lives — Tron: Legacy was a freaking amazing movie, in no small part due to the brilliant soundtrack crafted by Daft Punk. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. It was an experience that made me go home and start screwing around with synthesizer sounds.

5. Spitz – Hatsukoi Crazy — Okay, seriously? I have way more Muse, way more Anberlin, and way more Thrice than I have of Spitz, and yet here we are. It’s cool, though, I like Spitz.

6. Ayumi Hamasaki – We Wish (Ramon Zenker Remix) — The Ayu Trance albums are great for listening to at work. They pass the time quite nicely.

7. Anberlin – Change the World — Not one of their best. It’s not bad, it’s just kinda… blah. Unremarkable.

8. Paramore – Feeling Sorry — I still think Riot is their best album, but Brand New Eyes has some good stuff. I’m curious as to how they’ll fare without the Farro brothers, since they were the backbone of the Paramore sound.

9. House of Heroes – Drown — I vaguely recognize this song. I guess I always tune out when I’m listening to the album. Huh.

10. Muse – Butterflies & Hurricanes — This song is fantastic.

Then I stumbled upon livejournal. It had a better social element and random online friends of mine were already using it, so it was pretty easy to jump in. It was great because it gave me an outlet for whatever stuff I felt like sharing with my friends, plus the ability to interact with them. Eventually the platform started to feel stale, so I moved to blogger, and eventually to a self-hosted wordpress blog (this site), which I’m pretty happy with.

I got to be Earth Daler

Another one from my wedding. We’re recreating the video for “Tunak Tunak Tun”.

Happy – Black Mages – “Those Who Fight Further”; Tobuscus – “Literal Skyrim Trailer”

Sad – Metric – “Gimme Sympathy”; Gackt – “Mizerable”

Bored – Foo Fighters – “Bridge Burning”; Mastodon – “Oblivion”

Hyped – Chevelle – “Jars”; Fono – “Sunlight Silence”

Mad – Thrice – “Firebreather”; Further Seems Forever – “The Bradley”

It’s not a New Year’s resolution thing. I’ve been trying to get the ball rolling since November,  but the holiday insanity kept interrupting me. Now that the holidays are over, it’s easier to focus, so BAM! A new habit.

Goal: Pretty up the website
Why: Cuz it ugly.

Goal: 500 minutes of exercise.
Why: Because SparkPeople is giving away an iPad! Also, health and stuff.

Goal: Maybe get to a doctor.
Why: Because my wrist hurts and I have new insurance that doesn’t force me to always go to the same doctor who isn’t taking appointments and tells me to call back every morning at 8 and maybe they can squeeze me in.

Thankfully, I found a picture on Facebook that illustrates the thing that impacts me most:

One of us is afraid of heights, as well as most things.

Peer pressure.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally wanted to jump on that trampoline, but when there are two other people also jumping and you’re afraid of heights and the photographer is telling you all to hold hands and jump at the same time…

Anyway, the point is that the terror on my face contrasted with the excitement on Mike and Kevin’s is the perfect illustration of how I roll in many situations.

I don’t have friends that actively pressure me to do anything. Seriously, no one gets on my case to do stuff I don’t want to do. However, I create a lot of pressure in my mind and end up doing things that I don’t really want to do because I think my friends will look down on me if I don’t. For example, I’ve blown off plans to spend an entire Saturday writing music because a friend kindly asked if I wanted in on some game, and I didn’t feel comfortable saying “No thanks! Maybe later/tomorrow.” I think I’m getting better, though.

Buuuut… Fine, I’ll put some effort into it.

I’ve always really liked Spider Man. I have the most ridiculous fear of heights possible, so when I see pictures or play games that involve a masked hero swinging from buildings like it’s no big deal, I can’t help but imagine that it’s me, that I’m that high up and moving that fast, and that I’m not afraid.

Also, the spider-sense is frickin sweet.